THE MYSTERY OF THE GREY INTRUDER........

Dear Diary......

I know it is a silly incident, but I have to tell you this........*sniff*

It was a glorious morning, the sun shone through the tall sash windows into the bathroom. The four tiny Yorkshire terriers lay sleeping peacefully on the soft pile of the carpet....now and again, one would whimper, as dreams of buried bones and romps on the beach brought pleasant memories to mind. Lady Beatrice, lying in the cooling water of her perfumed bath, stretched her legs, and contemplating her gleaming red toenails, decided that "Gasson" could take care of the much needed pedicure, as well as the facial and waxing that she was going to have this day. "Ah", she sighed to herself, "I suppose I had better get out." With that she stood up in the water, and reaching for a towel, she glanced, as was her wont, into the large mirror above the bath... just as she was about to wrap herself in the towel, she saw, as though a reflection of light had caught something....a shine! a little glimmer, as thought the sun had reflected off one of her diamonds! She peered closer in the mirror and again she saw this "shine"...."what on earth is that?" she said to herself.

Now, a little concerned by this strange "happening", she reached over to the vanity and grabbing hold of her hand mirror, she positioned it so that she could view this offending light in a better direction. As she looked down into the mirror, sure enough, amidst the gleaming aurburn curls of her pubic mound, there, for all the world to see was a GREY hair! "Noooooooooo!" she screamed.....with that the dogs, who had by now detected all was not well with their mistress, began to bark! " No! no! no! no" she lamented. "What am I going to do?" "Shut up!" she yelled at the dogs who by now were quite hysterical," let me just think!" Leaping out of the bath, she left the towel and racing into the bedroom, she grabbed hold of the telephone. Dialing as quickly as she could, her fingers trembling, she wait for the person at the other end to answer. "Prosewood Group, good morning can I help you?" the woman's voice asked. "Yvette!" shrieked Lady Beatrice, "call my husband immediately!" "Good morning to you madam," replied Yvette slightly miffed; she was of course used to the boss's wife, who was known to be a little "screwy" by one and all. "Unfortunately, Lord Ha Ha is unavailable at the moment, can I give him a message?" "Oh Yvette," Lady Beatrice was now begininng to sob, "it is an emergency, I have to speak to him NOW, please tell him to drop everything and rush home." "Lady Bee," replied the poor secretary, now a little concerned, "please tell me what I can do to help you, your husband has gone out of town, he will only be back at two thirty." "Perhaps," she went on , "I can send the foreman, or one of the staff up to you?" "Or all the staff?" she added. "Or better still, shall call the police?" Lady Bee, now quite uncontrollable, sobbing and sniffing into the receiver, replied as best she could in a very quiet voice, " no thank you, I am not sure that it is quite within their job descriptions to attend to this sort of an emergency."

She thanked Yvette and put down the receiver of the telephone. "What am I going to do?" she wailed, it is the very end! Her crying had turned into hiccups at this point, and the dogs who had by now licked most of the water from her legs, were whining and and "baby" of the pack who was not used to her darling mistresses in distress, was trembling in fright. Just then, as she managed to walk on teetering legs back to the bathroom to retrieve her towel, the telephone rang.

"Hello, hic," she said. "Beatrice," came a gruff voice, "what the bloody hell is the emergency now?" "OOOOH!!!!! darling," answered Lady Beatrice in relief on hearing her "cookie's" dear voice, "you have to come home, something terrible has happened!" "Beatrice," replied the ever patient voice of the lord and master, "this better be something really bad, are you ill?" he asked. "No, my darling I am not ill, it is far worse than that, please, please drop whatever you are doing and come home immediately." begged Lady Beatrice. Lord Ha Ha, now a little concerned at his wife's voice and the suggestion that something might have happened that she could not discuss on the telephone, replied, "Allright Bee, now get a hold of yourself, I am on my way." "Thank you my darling," said Lady Bee, "see you just now."

And that is the end of the story. The actual ending is unprintable. What I can tell you, is that this particular "tale" is partly true, you can decide which part, and since I am at an age, where I am constantly trying to improve the book I am writing, which is titled.... "How to keep your marriage alive after 26 and a bit years" Lord Ha Ha for all his bluff heartiness and protestations, wears a 'cheshirecat' smile on his ageing face....often........ta ta

Back to Homepage