WINE PRANKS IN SOUTH AFRICA.......

Dear Diary,

I'm off to a wine tasting tonight....heaven only knows why, Lord Ha Ha hates wine...it gives him indigestion....mind you most things do...including me and my "pranks"....I guess he finds it hard to keep up...sometimes............... Saying this, about the wine I mean, it reminds me of an "incident"............

Many years ago, when introduced to this strange ritual of wine "tastings," in the years when it mattered if one was "seen" and rubbing shoulders with the" hoi-paloi"......(where does that come from? ) we went to our first wine tasting at our bank manager's house......now my Eaden is an odd character, not given to saying much, but when he does, it is usually rather funny!

Well this "veddy" proper lady was giving the talk and explaining about the body, bouquet, nose, and all the other stupid things they say about this delicious drink, whereupon she poured everyone a tiny glass and explained that we were not to drink the wine.....(it's not done it seems).............Eaden, who had been sucking up to the bank manager, and had not been listening very well.........(he needed a huge bank loan)..so when everyone took a sip......he put back his head,....... drank and spat!!!!!!!!!! ! This my dear sprayed all over David the manager!!!!! I, who had been taking a lady-like gulp, was busy swirling it in my mouth........seeing this I burst out laughing and sprayed as well!..........by now the same was happening to a few of the others..........fortunately by the end of the evening, David was so drunk, as well as many of the others....that all's well that ended well. (Eaden got the loan).

Eaden, of course, was the only sober person there, which does not mean that he has never had "one-too-many" , for indeed the day he married me, he had at least half a bottle of Orange Gin and lemonade aid....... (a rather odd drink that he used indulge in for celebrations and such like occasions) and ended up dancing by himself to the amusement of the party.....since he hates dancing!!!
Which reminds me, you remember that photograph, in the collage of me in an "outfit?" and Eaden and the boys in western dress? It was in celebration of one of my birthdays, we had a "Country and Western" party........hired caterers and a band and all!!! It was wonderful....

Prior to the actual party, I laid down the law, and threatened that if he did not dance with me this night, he could pack up and leave. Musta frightened the wits outa him....'cos boy did he ever dance............................seldom has he done so since....says he will do so again when I die and leave him in peace! Fat chance he stands!!!!!! Also, once in London, we met up with some South Africans, who took us to a wine bar........there, because there was no draught beer, he drank a rather acceptable French wine, very light and rather on the sweet side.

This was in the years when we, South Africans were looked upon as the "untouchables".......and since I was very careful in those days not to mention politics, I was amazed to overhear him arguing with two gentlemen of dark-skinned persuasion, all the while drinking copiously out of a huge glass which was filled with wine!...........we, in fact, had to break-up, what appeared to be the start of a physical argument!!!!.........when we got him outside into the street....he wanted to go back and "donner" the "bliksems".....which is kinda, beat- the-shit-out-of-them.....in Afrikaans. We of course were quite partial to the idea of a really good fight, coming as we did from a country of "boers," but our friends' friends, who were well known there.......persuaded us to abandon the idea......Eaden was singing drunk........and very ill the next day.

I was just giggly, so was not much help. I am a friendly drunk........very! To wit, it reminded me of a winetasting trip that I took, and never told Eaden......I went to Cape Town on a buying trip, (when I had my boutique) and stayed with a friend ,Elizabeth. Now Elizabeth, was a real lady. She was one of a twin, and had been friends with Eaden when they were children. His description of her was that she had most hospitable loins he had ever encountered! (he was ten years old at the time he used to play with her, and I suppose, like all children, they played mummies and daddies?) .

Not that that put me off, she fascinated me. She has managed, to become extremely wealthy, through her exceptional ability to ferret out "the main chance", whilst in the missionary position! She was, at the time of my staying with her, on her third husband, and she drank like a fish........"with a wide open mouth!" .......again Eaden's saying...........anyway...she decided that my education was sadly lacking....and booked us on a wine trip.

It was Simon van der Stel...or Vasco Da Gama...or one of the boys, who once described Cape Town, as the "fairest Cape in the world!"..........he was right. From the mountain, that looks like it's in the main street, to the glorious beaches, from the meandering Oak lined streets, the abundance of fruit and just the atmosphere of Cape Town, one falls in love at first sight and stays that way........aaaaaaaahhhh................................. Our first stop was an estate called "Allesverloren" which means....hmmm...everything lost....? .'cos the estate had burnt down some years back, and was now back in production.

We then went on throughout the glorious Cape, through Stellenbosch, Franschhoek and Constantia......tasted cheeses at various cheese farms, ate apples from vendors...and drank. ( When you come out here, one day, we shall do this very same trip.) The reason I say this, is that as I once described to you and others, the areas are fast being bought up by Germans and Japanese........and the estates just take one's breath away! The beautiful whitewashed Cape Dutch houses, the purple mountains, fields of wheat and just the "oldness" of the whole area...........*sigh* .

When you drive along the highways, you can smell the fermenting fruit............... I can't really remember anymore.. ..(about the actual wine tasting). The trip was for a duration of two days, with one night staying at one of the" Grand "estates............we were away for four days........and I ended up in hospital! I have never told Lord Ha Ha......ever.........I do know that at one stage, at some estate, I squished grapes, bare-footed with the coloured people there...(the people of mixed marriages)......I do remember visiting the farm that had belonged to my late grandfather...."Rus-en-Vrede" (rest in peace)..................

I think it was the chewing tobacco that actually made me ill. I can smell it to this day. Elizabeth said later, that it was because I insisted on trying out the matured Cape Brandy, from the huge vats, that I got sick......she by the way was fine............I'm not sure, if she ever told me all that took place, since I blacked out after 48 hours..........and woke up to see her husband number three, bending over me rather anxiously................I do think they were both a little worried though.

Which reminds me of another time, (shall I keep this for later?) naaahhh I'm on a roll..............I have a friend Renée, who asked me to accompany her to her aunt who lived in the Northern part of the Transvaal. (Another exceptionally beautiful area), she did not say much about these relations, except that she wanted too visit them before they died.........they were in their eighties at the time.....1979...... We flew to Johannesburg, and hired a car, and drove to their farm......and drove and drove and drove...........nine hours of the most hideous roads you have ever seen...(and I get car sick!)....when we eventually arrived there...I could hardly believe what I was seeing!!!!!!!! The divine old mud and thatch house, covered in flowering creepers, and standing on the "stoep" were two people, right out of history!

Tall, weathered, dressed in black, and tannie (Auntie) Matilda, had a black bonnet tied around her chin! I swear to God, looking at them was like looking at a history book! (a history of the Boers!). Oom (Uncle) Barens, was like an ancient weathered statue......pipe and all......she too..................they had no electricity, no running water, and Oom had never worn underwear in his life! (Nor shoes). Tannie still wore bloomers!!!!! and a "bust-bodice"! Everything was spotless; their furniture: museum pieces, and the mattresses real feathers! They spoilt us horribly, and I had the time of my life.

Of course we had great difficulty in understanding each other....as they spoke "high" Dutch........and kept calling me a "rooi-nek," which is the disparaging name given to the English, by the Boers.....and on top of this, when Renée told them that I was Jewish...they kept plying me with home-made Peach brandy. Apparently the only thing the did like about non-Boers, were the Jews!...Thank God for that! They kept telling her I was a "gift" sent to them in their old age, and from what I could gather, the Jews were very Biblical people to them, also they had saved all their life savings with the only Jewish trader in the area, and found him to be totally honest!

They sent for their neighbours on the first night I was there, and I was introduced to "Marula"......which is kinda like the "White lightening" of the American hill billies........and is rather potent. This party, which went on till sunrise, was one of the finest "do's" I have ever been to in my life! One neighbour, who had lost his wife the year before, asked me to marry him. Since I was not only married, but 33 to his 65, I declined most graciously....I hope..........despite the fact that he thought I had very good child bearing hips! They died within a year of each other in 1981 & 82.......I shall never forget them......... Well, I have to go, needs must..............and I shall have to don the war paint and look presentable.......till tomorrow?

LOTS OF LOVE ,

BEV

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