Ideas how to stop (by Pam) 

(plus some pep-talk)

**I don't know how much you know about trich yet - but you are not
crazy! NO ONE can stop from sheer willpower. Even though they can't
prove the scientific details yet, the doctors already are convinced it
is some kind of neurological thing that we were born with the
predispostion to. And then something triggered it to start. But
unfortunately, once the switch is turned on - we can't just turn the
switch back off. But we can learn to control it - one baby step at a
time. 

**Plus the majority of us (once that $%@#$ switch is turned on) - then
have different reasons and triggers to pull - not necessarily at all
related to what turned the switch on. For some people - it is a major
trauma like abuse or a car accident that turned the switch on, but you
can then take the trauma away and they still pull. For some, a very
innocent thing like pulling a hair out in biology class to look at under
the microscrope, or having a case of lice, turns the switch on - and
then in the future that person may pull from stress. Plus tons of other
reasons to start pulling and continue pulling. 

**Most of us, once we have this, do pull from most of the following:
intense urges, intense itching sensations, boredom, trance-like states,
looking in the mirror, stressful situations, avoidance of decisions,
holding back feelings, the urge to find specific hairs (especially
kinky, grey, thin, and/or short ones), a certain hair catching our
attention - plus tons of other individual things. 

**I should tell you right up front, that there is nothing that will make
it go away overnight. TTM is a Chronic condition, it does wax and wane,
it does have mysterious remissions, but it does not just go away. (That
does not mean that you will pull forever.) But, Accepting that has been
hard for me. I kept wanting them to find the real 'cause' so that there
would be some 'magic' cure. And that has actually kept me from taking
other steps to help myself. So I see from experience how important it is
to move away from that mindset. 

**Basically, there are a lot of approaches and techniques you can use to
learn ways to train yourself to stop in spite of the urge. And other
tools to help fight the urge or to keep it from occurring in the first
place. 

**For some people, even if you keep the 'urge' from occurring, you now
still have the habit from years of pulling. So just like some
ex-cigarette smokers still need to carry fake cigarettes, you may still
pull out of habit as well. 
**Most of us also need to learn to deal with our emotions better
(especially those that pull as a direct result of stress and anxiety). A
common attribute among a lot of TTM'ers is that we don't 'acknowledge
our real feelings'; we 'stuff our feelings' and that majorly contributes
to our Trich. So, even if you stop pulling in the short run, the next
time you get stressed, you won't be prepared, and will more likely
relapse. 

A friend and fellow TTM'er described it this way: 
---"I feel there are also deep feelings of pain and rejection which
starts from a young age. Fear and torment on intelligent, sensitive
people who for some reason turn these feelings into themselves and
pull...in order to lessen, change or stop the inner pain. A lot of
people who start to pull later in life, talk of a trauma or big change
in their lives. I feel that is one part of pulling." 

**The people that seem to be most successful at becoming pull-free in
the long run, usually end up running into some road blocks, and
attending to multiple kinds of pulling and reasons behind it. And still
have occasional relapses - but get back on track faster. Most of us will
have strong feelings will come to the surface when you try not to pull.
They emphasized it is a constant reduction until it is in a pull-free
state. Each time your pull-free state is longer, the relapses are
usually shorter and less severe, more recoverable. So it is a LONG
process. 

**Even Christina Pearson, (Executive Director of TLC), about 10 years
pull free, pulled for a few days after the World Trade Center Attack -
but not major and promptly got back on track. 

**The people who become most pull-free in the long run also usually have
a COMBINATION of things they have CHANGED in their LIFE. (Not just
fighting urges or 'tricking' urges.) 

**That is (just) one of the problems to beating Trich - you have to find
YOUR approach - and KEEP trying and refining it until it works! It is
Such an Individual thing! 

**That is what REALLY got through to me at the retreat - that Trich is a
Trich PUZZLE - but the puzzle is not the same for every person. And you
can only find ONE piece of the puzzle at a time. So it is slow progress 
- but REAL progress that is important. 

**Before - I would try something, and if I didn't stop pulling 100%
immediately, I would think it didn't work. But (just some) of the
problems were, I didn't understand my condition, and I would expect one
thing to solve the entire problem. And that is just not the way it
works. 

**You have to go for one small thing at a time - acceptance, less
stress, small reduction in pulling, changing a habit pattern, educating
yourself, etc. - and some of those things won't even give you any
immediate gratification (from not pulling)! 

**I did not have a lot of financial resources to turn to after the TLC
retreat - (i.e. any kind of therapy too expensive for me right now) so I
have been doing this all the self-help way. Trying to make small changes
at a time, while reading my books. I am not actually 'trying' to stop
pulling right now. Trying to go for the Peace of Mind, less anxiety and
stress, overall better health. (That was the other things the pull-free
TTM'ers all said, you have to take care of yourself FIRST.) 

**I have been experiencing about 80% reduction in pulling consistently
for last 2 months - that is by making changes in my life (or things I
have done) - not by intensely 'fighting' the urges or 'really trying' in
that sense. The changes I made: Educating myself about Trich (by going
to TLC retreat and reading books); herbs for anxiety and stress;
Emotional issues (joining ACoA support group and reading books); Trich
Support (remailers keeping in touch); New Hair Conditioner "Mane &
Tail"; Fish Oil Supplements; and drastically reducing contact with my
family ... realize the last one may not work for everyone :) 

**So DON"T GIVE UP! It is not an overnight process for most of the
people that stay pull free in the long run! Plus, your hair WILL grow
back! (although slowly). (Ask for the Hair Regrowth Email for more
information on that.) 

**BABY STEPS! BABY STEPS! BABY STEPS! 

**Hope this helps! 

Pam 

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IDEAS/ TOOLS to HELP STOP 

*** EDUCATING YOURSELF about TTM - Read some books or info on the
websites. (Some Book Review in the Book Review email). Keep up with new
info as much as you can. DEFINITELY helps with the shame and all the
years of telling ourselves that we were crazy.   Plus gives you
something to share with people or family. (The books that tell the
families NOT to yell at you for pulling because it doens't help - are
really nice!)   For me, the TLC newsletter (Trichotillomania Learning
Center) helps too because they mention the new things going on - because
they have a Scientific Advisory Board of Doctors - I also know their
information isn't only based on Rumours. www.trich.org 

* SUPPORT - Keep in touch with other TTMers if possible! - The doctors
at the retreat all thought this was majorly important! For emotional
support and healing from the trauma of having TTM. (Links for support
groups and remaiers on the TLC site) 

*** FISH OIL EPA/ DHA is one tool - a lot of people here are reporting a
reduction of pulling and urges. For some people it has not worked. That
could be due to some of hte things I wrote about above and in the "Fish
Oil Email" (too long to repeat here, feel free to ask for that one). I
originally started it on a way lower dosage than everyone else (for
other reasons). The first thing I noticed was that it helped my mood!
And at first I wasn't paying attention - but I do notice after only 2
weeks that my pulling is down. Update - after 6 weeks - doing 4 other
puzzle pieces as well - my pulling is 80% down (without trying i.e.
without fighting any urges because only having 20% of urges and not
bothering to fight them right now). Update - after 10 weeks - doing 7
puzzle pieces total - pulling still 80% down with barely any 'fighting'
urges - but do notice an increase in actually "feeling my feelings". 

*** EMOTIONS - there are a higher % of us who came from
higher-than-average dysfunctional families (but only a sub-group of
TTM). And virtually ALL of us also carry a lot of Shame from having TTM.
And also have some depression as a side-effect of TTM. So it would be
harder to conquer TTM in the long run without attending to all these
issues. I have been reading some books on Healing From Emotional Issues,
Setting Boundries, Asserting Yourself, etc. (Some of my Book Revies are
in the Book Review Email). Since there are no support groups in my area,
I joined a Support group for ACOA - Adult Children of Alcoholics. I am
not a child of an alcoholic - but a friend suggested this to me as a way
to get Mentally Stronger - because the groups accept lots of people in
with lots of different issues. They work a lot on how to set boundries,
take control of your life, etc., which can have a HUGE impact on your
ability to overcome shame and anxiety. 

*** JOURNALING - carrying around your journal and writing down your
feelings and thoughts - about anything or what upsets you RIGHT when it
HAPPENS is supposed to help you identify unhealthy vs healhty patterns
in your thinking. Sometimes a step in Habit Reversal Training also. Then
when you reread it once a week, things become very clear to you about
what is logical and unlogical. I keep planning on doing this and never
started :) But I did catch myself after a stressful encounter - thinking
about what I would be writing if I had started it - and already
realizing how silly some of my worries are :) 

*** HABIT REVERSAL TRAINING - Specific steps designed to help you log
your pulling, so you understand your motivators and key danger areas,
then deep breathing and relaxation exercises, then learn a competing
response to do instead of pulling. Done in graduated steps, so you train
your body gradually to respond differently to the urge. By having logged
the pulling, you also change routines to not set yourself up to do the
'trance'like" pulling in the first placc. Some of hte books on TTM
available now, outline these steps in a Self-Help way that you can do on
your own. Another one I haven't done yet - but I can see would be
helpful. 

*** BEHAVIOR THERAPY - Habit Reversal Training plus therapy for the
emtions. So you can tie it in to certain responses. 

*** DIET - whether the John Kender Diet (Yeast allergy theory) or just a
more nutritional diet - the people most consistently pull-free usually
have done something to improve their diet. The majority of people talk
about reducing sugar and caffeinne being at least minimum that should be
done. I haven't done any of that yet - but the Fish Oil does play a part
in diet (read about in "Fish Oil Email". 

*** EXERICISE - regular exercise - btw, whenever you move you are
pumping your immune system! So this doesn't suprise me that a lot of
pull-free people do something at least fairly consistently. Me, I keep
thinking I need to start:) 

***MEDITATION - YOGA - Something like that - helps a lot of people. I
liked the Yoga session at the retreat - it REALLY calmed me down. I
could see how if you do it on a regular basis that it could help you.
Have never tried Yoga. 

*** "TRICKS" - like wearing gloves, band-aids on fingers, hats, putting
skoosh balls (or some other toy) all around the hosue and pulling on
those instead, having a skoosh ball in the car, extreme situation wash
hair or take another shower, etc. Anything to set up a 'boundry' between
your hands and your hair; or keep your hands busy. I went to the stores
looking for the skoosh balls and couldn't find them. Funny thing was -
once someone suggested them to me, I started pulling on the carpet when
I talk on the phone. VERY GOOD! I have also taken an extra shower for
extreme situation. Gives me an hour to forget about it. TONS of 'tricks'
on all the websites. But usually must be done in 'combination' with
other things for any long-term benefit! Because they also require
willpower - so they usually will not work alone or 100%. They definitely
help with 'reduction" of pulling. So agian, it is in the mindset - or
expectation. 

*** PRODUCTS - whether to take away the urge or help reduce regular itch 
- because you don't want to call attention back to your har - like
vaseline or Vitamin E Oil on the eyelids, Acne wipes on the eyes,
Dandruff shampoo on a regular basis - you can OD on all the Internet
sites with this stuff and suggestions. I am currently doing Dandruff
Shampoo twice a week, and "Mane & Tail" horse and body shampoo the rest
of the time - and "Mane & Tail" Conditioner every day. Every once in
awhile - I take the foam from the Dandruff Shampoo and clean my face
with it (I am eyelash puller). Someone told me the "Mane & Tail"
conditioner really helps with itchiness because you can use it as a
leave-in.   And that one of the tricks is to also Rub it into your
Scalp (not with your nails). I have found it to HELP ME VERY MUCH - and
I also just really like it! It helped 'heal over' some extreme flakiness
from heavily pulled areas - where the extra flaking and irritation was
giving me extra urges (by calling my attention back to those areas).
Plus my dandruff has gone WAY down since using this conditioner - so
more extra itches gone (even though I have been using dandrugg shampoo
for years). Also suggested and helped me, if fighting an urge, go get a
little and rub it into the spot - leave it gooey - because it is gooey
it is harder to pull and give you a little time to forget about it. I
have done that and been able to do some walking away from urges (NEVER
done that before). Again, usually must be done in 'combination' with
other things for any long-term benefit! Because they also require
willpower - so they usually will not work alone or 100%. They definitely
help with 'REDUCTION" of pulling. So again, it is in the mindset - or
expectation. 

*** MEDICATIONS - Helps some people, oversold on the idea for most. A
lot of people are pushed into it by Docs who don't understand TTM (like
my story), have a bad experience, and never want to try it again. I did
see people helped by it though at the TLC retreat. (Unless you are
already on Meds for other conditions) - I wouldn't try any until reading
the "Medications Email" and really educating yourself on TTM first -
because then you will be able to evaluate better what you want out of
it, (i.e. temporary relief while learning Behavior Therapy; temporary
relief while fighting Depression; etc. etc.) and if your Doctor is
trying to understand and learn about all the intricacies to treating
TTM. Because it is all experimental - there is not a lot of success
stories for them to work off of. And most people are not going to find
one that they will want to be on for the rest of their lives.