Perfectionism

Credit Sue Price

This was an email sent to me from Sue P. on the other remailer ... at
the end she ties some of the thoughts in with the black-and-white
thinking about trying to have a perfect recovery.

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I've been too busy with classes to write up my notes from the TLC
conference, but I thought I could share some notes from one of my class
assignments, since I had to write that up anyway. I'm taking counseling
classes, and we had the assignment to interview a faculty member. 
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I chose a particular faculty member because one of his research areas is
perfectionism, on which he has several doctoral students working. I
thought maybe people would find it interesting because perfectionism is
such a common trait among pullers. 
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He noted that perfectionism is considered pathological, but unlike
disorders such as depression where every wants to stop being depressed,
perfectionists do not want to stop being perfectionists, they just want
to lighten up a little. This is because there are positive aspects to
perfectionism. As he noted, if you are having surgery, don't you want
your surgeon to be a perfectionist? 
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His students' research shows that perfectionism can be adaptive or
maladaptive. Adaptive Perfectionists actually have happier lives and
higher self-esteem than some people who are not perfectionists. It is
the Maladaptive Perfectionists who have the angst and lower self-esteem.
From an Adlerian perspective, Adaptive Perfectionists pursue
superiority, while Maladaptive Perfectionists flee inferiority, so they
are never satisfied, only relieved that they have (for now) avoided
inferiority. 
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The problem is not in having standards; having standards is part of
Adaptive Perfectionism and related to higher self-esteem. We don't want
to lower standards. The issue is what happens when the person doesn't
meet their standards. Adaptive Perfectionists learn and grow from the
experience. 
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Maladaptive Perfectionists get into black-and-white thinking which is a
form of cognitive distortion: being distraught over getting a 99 instead
of a 100 on a test, and so on. That is what we want to work on, changing
Maladaptive Perfectionism to Adaptive. We cannot usually get people to
stop having standards, nor should that be the goal. 
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My take on this is that I've had the perfectionism of the maladaptive
type, which due to all the negative feelings it brings up in me, has
greatly contributed to my pulling. As I've been able to move over time
from Maladaptive to Adaptive Perfectionism, my need to pull is greatly
reduced. 
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The other way I've been maladaptive in my perfectionism is in trying to
stop pulling itself. If I'm not perfect in recovery, I've blown it. Talk
about black and white thinking! By learning to be adaptive in my
perfectionism, I can strive for the high standards (zero pulls) but if I
do pull, I can learn from it and get right back on track. Again, the
result is less pulling. 
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The other area that I discussed with this professor is his research on
the interface between Spirituality and Psychotherapy. 
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Sue P 
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