Should I tell my spouse?

My opinion is yes, yes, yes!!!!  I have never been sorry that I told Louis.  It was extremely difficult to do, especially to get started (as everyone who tried it, knows), but it was 150% worth it.  If your spouse knows, he can (and will, I believe) support you and you can be yourself around him.   He can hold you when things aren't going too well.  He can protect you from the comments of others etc.  When you don't tell your spouse, you do things that he cannot understand.  He may feel rejected because of some of them.  As someone mentioned - because of her eyebrow pulling, she never makes love to her husband in the shower, because of fear of the filled-in eyebrows disappearing.  How does that make the husband feel if he doesn't know what her reasoning is?  Rejected! 

I speak from the situation  where I am very happily married.  Obviously if your marriage isn't very healthy, you may want to consider it carefully.  But on the other hand.... how much influence does your trich have on your marriage?  Could it be that your husband feel rejected, could it be that he doesn't understand some of the things you do?  I have been in an unhappy marriage and I hated it when people gave advice without realising that everyone's marriages wasn't exactly heaven on earth.  So my 'advice' is for people whose marriages are strong and they trust their hubbies and they are sure that they are being loved.

On a lighter note, some ladies mentioned that it took so long for them to get the words out (30 mins or so), that the husbands started thinking that they were going to confess having an affair with someone.  They were actually very relieved to discover that the only secret was that their wives  'just' pulled their hair!

(This was written by me (Amanda) - following is other people's stories)

A special story

I remember when I first told my husband. I told him I needed to talk to him about something very important. It took a couple hours before I could get it out. I just sat on the bed and balled my eyes out and couldn't even get any words out. I know he thought that I was going to tell him I had an affair or something else more serious. (Several others on the board went through something similar before they could get the words out!) I finally just said it. "I pull my hair out." I felt so ashamed and covered my face up and sobbed even more. He must have been relieved to hear this, but at the same time wasn't quite sure what I meant by "I pull my hair out". I explained what exactly I meant and told him what this disorder was called. I told him that I had bald patches and that was why I did not like for him to come into the shower with me and that that was why I locked myself up while fixing my hair. I explained that was why I was depressed and didn't want to go out in public. He was so incredibly supportive. He cried with me. I apologised for not telling him sooner because I knew that he felt like something was wrong in our relationship that had something to do with him. Of course he was not happy to hear that I had been suffering so terribly. I can't say what a difference in made in both of our lives and in our relationship to have this out in the open. It was like a we both had tons of weight lifted off of our chest. The next day he took me took my doctor so that I could get a referral to see a psychologist. My hubby has never given me any grief about my hair-pulling. He's been nothing but a positive source of support and encouragement. 

Some advice from a trichster

Perhaps you could tell him that you have a problem that you have kept hidden for years and you want to tell him about it but you are afraid of his reaction. then you might be able to explain that it is a chemical imbalance that is causing you hair loss and that it makes you unhappy.you might find he will ask the leading questions rather than you trying to explain every thing at once.  otherwise - perhaps you could take him by the hand and sit him down to this program and leave him to it for a little while and let him read and let him ask questions. Tears also help !![wry grin !]

More inspiration to tell

I've been on cloud 9 since I told Jeff. He was so incredibly supportive. We started talking about the wedding, and he made a comment that I should get my hair done for the ceremony (he knows I don't go to hairdressers)...well, couldn't hope for a better lead in!

I told him that I had to talk about something that I could barely face myself...that I have pulled my hair for years, and it's something I have little control over. I told him that I would have told him a long time ago, but I couldn't admit that it was a problem, even to myself, until I found out a month ago that I wasn't alone. Then I described trich and took him to Amanda's webpage.  I was on the verge of crying, but the relief and joy afterwards has been so overwhelming! Jeff was so incredibly understanding about it...he asked all the right questions, and we talked about what he could do when I'm pulling my hair (he went to that page first). He's shopping for trich toys, and helping me find some of the books mentioned at this site and Amanda's...

Jeff's upset that I've suffered with this for so long. But he wants very much to help...it makes me wish I had told him a long long time ago, but how could I when I couldn't face up to this myself?

To those of you who have offered advice and support...I couldn't have done it without you

More....

I revealed my bald scabby head to my then boyfriend shortly after we moved in together. We are now married, and he never even thinks about my hair or makes comments (except good ones). We were getting ready for bed, and I was SOOOOOO tired of sleeping in that thing! So, I was scared and nervous and excited and I thought I would barf, but while he was getting settled in the bed, I told him I wanted to show him. I tried to set him up by really describing what I looked like. I think I made it sound worse than it was, but that was to my advantage. Then I went to the bathroom and took off my wig and kinda "fixed" my hair. Basically, I ran somewater through it and spiked it up a bit to make it look fuller (all over my head was either bald or 1/2inch of fuzz) The room was kinda dim, and I just walked out and sat down on the bed next to him. I was crying and he was soooo sweet. He rubbed my head and told me it did not look bad (what a lie). It felt so good to have someone rub my head! No one had touched my head in so long. Well, we have been married 5 years now and he still loves on my head. So I won't tell you to go for it or not, you decide. But WHAT A RELIEF! Only draw-back-  someone ELSE watching my progress. Kinda nerve wracking, especially since he still just thinks I have a "hair loss problem". Someday I will tell him everything. Good luck!!!!!!!

well ... i did it ... i showed my husband Rick ... after much stressing over the past month or so and much MUCH stressing this week, it was late last night and i couldnt stand it anymore.. i cried, he cried and i finally got under the comfortor, took my piece off and had him feel it.. (that is after describing it 10 times worse than it really is) "its not THAT bad" ... and "WOW ... you are a blonde!!" *smile*

so you were all right, i was wrong ... he loves me because he loves me... he said that's all i need to know.