Why can't we stop
These are my notes from a session at this year's TLC retreat. I
finally got around to typing them up and showing them to my support
group. People said they got benefit out of reading them, so I'll
share them here. As the saying goes, take what you need and leave the
rest. -- Sue


Why We Pull, Why We Don't Stop

talk at 2001 TLC Retreat by Suzanne Mouton-Odum, Ph.D. (from Houston
area)


WHY WE PULL

- - pulling balances nervous system. If you're stressed, it calms you
down; if bored, it perks you up.

- - biological component - physical urges

- - there may be a genetic component

- - want to get rid of coarse, kinky, white, etc. hairs.

- - for symmetry, want things smooth and regular

- - for the root

- - pulling reduces tension, anger, frustration, boredom

- - pulling brings relief and gratification (but also guilt, remorse)

- - distracts from negative emotions

- - starts as adaptive behavior, over time it branches out into many
situations


WHY WE DONĘT STOP

- - it's hard to stop this behavior: it's associated with many
situations, it's deeply ingrained in our functioning

- - awareness takes energy

- - belief system: that you need to pull, that you can't cope without
pulling, that pulling is the only way to manage feelings etc.

- - enjoyable, feels good

- - pulling has become part of your identity

- - do positives of stopping outweigh the negatives? people struggle
with that

- - What would your life be like if you stopped pulling?
Answering that may pinpoint reasons you are having trouble stopping,
what the payoff of pulling is for you. After 6 weeks working with a
client who wasn't making much progress, Dr. Mouton-Odum finally asked
her client that question. Without hesitation, her client replied,
I'm terrified that I would start eating uncontrollably. Well, no
WONDER she wasn't getting anywhere with stopping her pulling. They had
to work on those fears first. Now she always asks that question at
the first session with a client.

Later at the retreat, another attendee said the first time she was
pull free, she was afraid she now was supposed to be perfect. That
remission did not last. Now she is pull free again but is more
relaxed about it. So it does seem that answering that question can
lead to insights as to why you are not stopping.


HOW TO GET AND STAY IN RECOVERY

- - first determine what recovery means for you

- - make the commitment to get into treatment. This doesn't have to
mean treatment with a professional, but make the commitment to
yourself to work on your recovery doing whatever methods you have
chosen.

- - telling people

- - eliciting help from people (if helpful)

- - allow yourself to function without pulling. Challenge your
beliefs that you can't function without pulling.

- - find other things you enjoy. add nurturing things to your life.

- - set good boundaries with others.

- - find other ways to decrease bad feelings: exercise, talking about
feelings, prayer, etc.

- - relaxation: yoga, meditation

- - schedule pleasurable activities in your life (it was noted that 
some pleasurable activities such as reading novels are also pulling
triggers for some people, but the advice was not to pare back your
life due to trich)

- - Beef up the rest of your identity, your sense of yourself.

- - In the big picture, what are your needs? Figure out how to get
these needs met.

One of the most profound things I got from this retreat was at this
session, where she said to figure out what needs trich is meeting in
your life, and figure out other ways to meet those needs.